A letter to the Editors of Foodbuzz, by Kelley Edelmann.

 

Whelp Kids,  I hope you had the chance to read my first entry for project food blog!  If you didn't go here. now. Voting opens up September 20th, and don't you worry, I'll be telling you when and how you can vote closer to time.  Loyal blog follower and esteemed market research professional Kelley Edelmann sent me an email yesterday that I just could not keep from you.  I think I rolled and laughed for about 45 minutes, and you'll see why once you get to the meat of this letter.  I told you before that my friends are some funny people, and now you'll know I wasn't kidding.  Dana Cowin, my love, I hope you just listen to this girl, because if you do, I'm about to be the next food blog star. 

I swear to Jack Black we will get back to food tomorrow kids.  Kelley wanted to include a recipe for frozen mini pizzas, because thats about all she's got in her kitchen arsenal aside from sloppy Joes, sloppy Geoffs, and sloppy John's.  Yes. She did give them different names based off of the type of ground meat she uses...I. Die.  Without further ado, my Maid of Honor, best friend, secret lover and lifetime twin: Kelley. Brooke. Carpenter. Edelmann.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to tell you why my best friend in the whole wide world, Whitney Leigh Moss Speth Abraham should be the next food blog star.  Now, I know what you’re thinking: That’s not how it WORKS!  They have to post a blog about this and we judge THEM!  But Sir or Madam, I’m going to challenge those rules by offering you additional evidence from a different perspective as to why Whitney stands miles above the crowd.  A-here we go.

1.      She is pretty. And not just "aw, she's kinda pretty!" but "damn, how does she do it??" pretty.

2.      Her food kicks ass. 

a.      It might not be "low calorie" but it sure is high in taste and low in suckage, which is more than i can say for my food.

b.      it's yummy and makes me feel at home

c.       It’s so good that I would like to use this opportunity to give Martha a fair warning.  Not a warning that Whitney is going to overshadow you or throw you off your throne (she loves you, after all!), but just a warning that you may need to reformat your show to include Whitney, because she’s that good.

                                                              i.      Note to Martha: That could actually be cute and give the show a fresh young look.  Let me know if you’d like more ideas—I’m open to some freelance consulting.

(sweet Lord, if Martha even THINKS about putting me on her show I will roll like a pig in SHIT!)

3.      Have you tasted this girl's chicken salad?

4.      She knows lots of shit about kitchen shit.  (Couldn't have said it more eloquently.)  She knows how to make a shitty Jewish apple cake not taste terrible, (not that the cake was terrible because it was Jewish...) and knows which knives to use and knows about different kinds of peppers and flour and yeast and cornmeal.  She also knows a bunch of bird parts and can even cook birds inside of birds inside of birds.  And to that, I say, WELL DONE.  Because hell, I can barely navigate the rotisserie chicken that I got at the grocery store. (BHAHAHAHAH)

a.      Exhibit A: the happiest day of her life (aside from the day she got engaged and the day she will get married) was when she got a kitchen aid mixer.  The second happiest day of her life was when she got the pasta maker attachment.  I mean…she’s kind of made for this.

5.      She's filarious and adds so much personality and heart to every recipe, meal, family dinner, blog post and more.  It’s about HEART people!

6.      She's a working woman.  And she works HARD to save BABIES and CUTE KIDS! This means that she works 40-60 hour weeks and then comes home and makes damn good meals from SCRATCH and THEN blogs about them for friends, family, and strangers.  What a food saint!

7.      Like I said, she's really pretty.  That ain’t gonna hurt your views on foodbuzz.com.  Just sayin’.

8.      She uses fresh ingredients from the farmer's market and from her BFF's front yard.  She CARES about the ingredients and isn't afraid to spend Brian's money if it means a great, wholesome, unique meal. (A effin' MEN sister.)

9.      I don't even LIKE to cook, and I love her blog because it's so damn entertaining.  She hilarious and gives you a sneak peek into her life.  There are characters (Brian, Chloe, BJ, Sarah, me, Mom, Bubby) and links to funny and sometimes completely unnecessary/unrelated Google image searches.

a.      Note to FoodBuzz—With Whitney, you can expand your readership to people like me who can barely microwave a successful dinner.

10.   She is a voice for 20-somethings who want to cook GREAT food for their family and friends.  You don't have to be in your mid 30s with 4 kids and 1 (barefoot.) on the way to know how to cook delectable, home-cooked, restaurant quality (like…the kinds that have palate cleansers) comfort foods.  Anyone can do it and look gorgeous doing so—and Whitney is the poster child.

So, Sir or Madam, you can see why you don’t really even need to continue your contest and search for the next Food Blog star, because I’ve done your work for you (please make checks payable to Kelley Edelmann—two Es, two Ns).  I have your winner right here—and she’s a DAMN good one.  Just between you and me, I can see how you might want to keep up appearances and finish out the contest according to the rules and everything, but if we’re being really, truly honest with each other, I think we both know who the winner is.

Very truly and sincerely from the bottom of my best friend heart,

Kelley

Last night of college, I show up to Whitney’s apartment coincidentally wearing the exact same outfit.  There never were truer best friends.

Well, am I a lucky friend, or am I a lucky friend? I swear to Solomon's sister that outfit business wasn't planned.  Tomorrow. There will be FOOD.

Love,

Whit