I know I know. What’s the deal sister, where ya been?
Listen, you should feel like an asshole for thinking that! Ok I’m just kidding you’re not an asshole but there’s very serious legit reason as to why I have not been here, and you probably won’t see some recipes for a few more days. I feel obligated to clue you all in, because I love you, and I am committed to giving you 5 recipes a week, it’s just that I won’t be able to this week.
About a week and a half ago, I woke up out of nowhere and felt like I had bruised my tailbone. I thought it was weird but I am not a fan of doctors so I thought I would tough it out. Except it kept getting worse. And soon I couldn’t even sit on the couch without it hurting. So I got to the point where I was concerned and made a doctor’s appointment. (I know this is so boring – get to the action whitney!)
So I went to the doctor, he diagnosed me with a pilonidal cyst – which is fairly common and in the grand scheme of things, no big deal. He directed me to a surgeon who then was supposed to drain it – but he told me “No effin way sister, we are cutting that thing out.”
Cue my alligator tears of disdain. You don’t know something about me. I don’t handle anesthesia well. When I say that, I mean that I had a horrific experience in college having my wisdom teeth out where I peed all over the gurnee because no one could hear me quietly whimpering “ I have to pee, damn it”. In general, I am a huge wimp and I just don’t want to have surgery ever unless I absolutely have to.
The doctor got me into the OR the next day at 8 am. So within 48 hours it went from my tailbone hurts to surgery. We really didn’t have time to process this, much less tell anyone other than our families. So we went in, and had the surgery. And of course, I came to with the trache still in my throat, further securing my fear of anesthesia. I actually believe I might have thrown up on my surgerical technician but it’s foggy, so I’m not sure about that.
To save you nasty details about the actual surgery, just know that the only true way to properly heal this surgery is to leave the wound open. And my incision was 5 inches in height and 1 inch in width. So, yea. That’s going on right now in my sweat pants.
The doctor said I had infection pretty far up my back and it was pretty severe, so I can say that we are all happy that I sit here with a hole in my backside instead of infection!
I still cannot sit down or lie on my back, but am feeling much better. So don’t worry about me, it’s just I can’t really cook, and therefore can’t really prepare anything for you other than funny stories about my recovery. I have a few for you, no te preocupes. (that means don’t you worry in Spanish, mom.)
Also, if anyone ever needs a nurse, Dad has proven to be quite useful, and is a very nice face to see in recovery. My mom thinks it will be a miracle if he actually marries me after all this!
So I hope to see you very very soon with recipes up on Amuse Bouche, but for a few more days, you’ll have to settle on stories instead!